Wednesday, July 29, 2015

I'm back!


We made it home!  
Got to spend much needed time with my siblings, nieces&nephews, and grandparents. Even got some one on one with the cousins. It was good. Now back to the grind. Happy I went and happy to be home. I didn't post as much as I wanted or planned to. To be honest I was completely in the moment. Lots of good photo opportunity's that I didn't take but the memory is locked and loaded in my mind. Lots to say-lots of inspiration. It's good to be back. Missed you all out there in 
bloggy land. 

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Aliens in the living room. A Parents Mental Illness



I can't put my finger on when I knew that my mother had a mental illness.
At a very young age I saw my mother as a victim. I wanted to protect her.  I wanted her to stay with me and be safe.

You have to understand that by the time I was 2 1/2 I was a ward of the state and I was to live with my Grandparents.

My mother would come and visit or I would go and visit. It didn't always end good. Sometimes cursing.  Maybe a physical altercation.  I just knew by the age of four that when ever my mother would come to visit me it was filled with awkwardness then ended in sadness. Somehow I felt responsible. I just wanted her to be happy.

By the time I was in 2nd grade I started to resent her.  Every time she would cry or come to my grandmothers house with a black eye I didn't know how to vocalize it but I felt distain for her.

Still...I can not pinpoint when I knew for sure.  So many incidents before and after.

The clearest first memory was the day my mom was convinced that aliens where watching us.  I was somewhere between the ages of 11 or 12 and had a newly found obsession of Stephen King novels.  I was sitting in the front porch.  I was reading The Shinning when my mom stormed out of the house grabbed the book out of my hand and threw it in the flowerbed.  She said the book was from the devil. I was very confused because it was my mother who introduced me to Stephen King. I mean to this day I love Stephen King novels and partly because of my mother.  She told me to come inside she kept asking if I could hear them.  "Shh can you hear therm"?  I had no idea what she was talking about.  She brought my younger sister and brother to the family room.  She was whispering for us to be quiet or "they" will hear us.  She made us lay flat in a circle holding hands so the aliens wouldn't get us.

I knew there was nothing in my grandmothers living room that was going to "get us".  I didn't know why she was acting that way.  Drugs?  Mental break down?  I didn't know.  I just knew that it wasn't right and it wasn't normal but somehow I knew that I had to just play along because their was no reasoning with her. I just did what she said.  I told my sister and brother to take a nap.  We just laid there eventually falling asleep and all I could remember thinking was something was not right.  My mom was going crazy.









Friday, May 22, 2015

Sex. Drugs. Cell Phone Usage.

Adding internet to the phone is the best and the worst thing to happen to society and parents.

Raising teens is tough. Dare I say a bit more than toddlers. The great debate teens or toddlers! I mean hands down in the diapering and potty training area I will deal with a mood swing any day of the week. Having said that do I have to deal with mood swings every day of the week? I mean their is tons that people do not tell you about giving birth or babies and their is less info about teens. Like for instance you should start prepping for your child's teen-hood when they are 10. I've got 2 teens and I'm under 35. At this point it doesn't really matter how old I am or feel. I forget half the time and have to remind myself how old my daughter is then do the math. Then remind myself how young I was when I started having kids. It's a whole If You Give A Mouse a Cookie type thing. Which sometimes isn't good for the self esteem.

Having "The Talk" with my kids hasn't been something that is hard for me to do.  Awkward? Absolutely. Talking about Sexually Transmitted Diseased Penis isn't something I look forward to talking abut with my son's but it needs to be done. So boom I've got the sex talk thing down. Keep a continues open conversation. Check. Respect their thoughts. Check. Talk honestly. Check.
Same with the "Drug Talk". This is something I take very seriously. For what ever reason mental health issues and drug abuse run in my gene pool. Not something I'm proud of but we can't all be The Cleavers (if you don't know who I am talking about then I just aged myself and deserve to drive a Mini-Van as punishment). Talking about not only the dangers of street drugs BUT how prescription drugs can be just as dangerous. Mom is prescribed those antidepressants for a reason. Don't f**k that up kid. I would never say that...It's just implied.Wink.Wink. JK. JK.

By the time your 13 year old becomes 15 you think you've gotten most of it down. Sex talk. Check. Drug talk. Check. Personal Hygiene. Check. Cell phone...wait. WTF! 

Kids don't have journals they keep their inner most private details hidden in the depths of the cell phones that we the parents pay for then share it with the world through social media and hashtags. Then scrolling through your IG account you see that your teen takes selfies in the bathroom. Or worse in the middle of class. You can see the teacher blurred through editing and filters. Again I say-WTF! You've got to be freak'n Nancy Drew. Checking on their Twitter and Snapchat and IG which by the way all of that I have. You got to block sites like ask.fm and ask your kid to please stop doing surprise selfies on you then posting them...That is defiantly not good for my self esteem. Not only do you have your parenting and morals challenged by your family you've got stand up to Two Chanz and Drake. Don't get me wrong I do appreciate Drake's love for BBW's like myself I've got to teach my son's to respect women. Where is the parenting book on Sex, Drugs, and Cell phone Usage?