Sunday, October 25, 2015

Bipolar Disorder in Real Time.

Every Sunday I lock myself in my restroom. Hang up the keys that unlock my husbands closet. His is the closet that holds all the dangerous stuff  like bow and arrows, knifes and medication. I turn on Pandora get my calculator out. I have a cutting board and a knife. I have a candle lit all the time where I say my novellas for my family especially my daughter. I open two separate pill boxes. One for A.M one for P.M. And I began counting out and measuring the right milligrams. I put them in. 
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. 
This is the more mundane part of Bipolar disorder. Of course this is the perspective of a parent with a child with the diagnoses. This isn't a meme talking about If it was cancer you wouldn't say to get over it. Or a article talking about early intervention. Or statistics of mental health disorders in the United States. This is just a regular Sunday in real life with a real family that has the genetic predisposition of Mental illness. And I am the parent who lives it. 


Day 2: A letter to me as a child.

Nov Writing Challenge. Day 2. A letter to me as a child.

Dearest Adee, 

Your a child now and theirs a lot of things you don't understand. Just know that everything you are going through will help you be a better person and mother. You'll be able to relate to most people.

I know you feel sad and abandoned now but the people around you really do love you they don't know how to relate to you but their love is real and unconditional. As a matter of fact they will say that very statement from time to time.

I wish I could go back in time and take care of you and shelter you-believe it or made it out pretty ok. You are a little awkward at times it gives you character and it's mostly in your head anyways. 

Your gonna get made fun of for being an "orphan". It's not true. Your not an orphan. You'll figure it out after you've had your first kid.

Kids are gonna tell you that your parents don't love you. You'll understand as you get older some things are just out of our control.

So please enjoy all those hugs from Grandma and Grandpa. Hold on to all those memories you had with James. You were such a special child full of innocence and pain, again it just makes you a better person later.

Your gonna make a lot of mistakes. You'll learn from them. You'll be embarrassed that you made them. I wish I could tell you not to be in a rush to grow up the sadness does not go away when you do. Just know that you won't always feel like that. It will come and go but you'll have your very own family.

You will have beautiful children, two son's and two daughters. They will be the reason for over-the-moon happiness and soul-crushing-hearache. You'll be able to handle it.
You have found your soulmate. He will be the reason for everything the kids are the reason for.

Little Adee, life is good.

Your older self.

Nov 1. Day 1: A letter to my husband.

30 Day Open Letter Challenge    I didn’t make this challenge. I just had it saved on my computer.:
Nov 1st Day 1: A letter to your significant other.

          Dear Ramon,
I didn’t realize that writing an open letter to someone that I have lived with for the past 10 years would be harder than I thought. All that comes to mind is to say that I love you. You are the only one I want to weather through the bad times with and celebrate the good ones with. I love you.